Being a Spectator in Your Own Life

Since this journey has begun, I have lost more and more the feeling of being in control - so much so that at this point I feel like a spectator in my own life.

Not only do you feel in this kind of situation the loss of control, but there is a very frustrating helplessness as well. These feelings can make you feel like you are spinning your internal wheels and not getting anywhere and that is exhausting.

Trial, suffering, hardship (whatever you name it) graces us with the opportunity to be a spectator, instead of a player. Suffering prys our white-knuckle fingers off of our lives and resolutely places it in the hands of God. My life has always been in the care of God but this journey of infertility and miscarriage has made this more obvious to me.

Right now I have no idea how this section of our life will unfold, I have little to no plans, no real clear idea of the future and I honestly have enough "light" in this situation to only what is next. And this is another grace given in trial - dependence.

Yesterday, our pastor had a great sermon about this very thing and said we should be more like the guy in the bleechers eating corn dogs cheering as the most important player, God, orchestrates the game of our life and accomplishes our victories and triumphs - you can listen to it here: http://www.grandparkway.org/sermons/ or search iTunes for Grand Parkway Baptist.

Appropriately for Christmas, we see this in Isaiah 9 when the prophet speaks of what will come 700 years after his death when the Son will be given. He will bring joy, peace, righteousness and even the government will rest on His shoulder. And what is our role in this? What is our take home application for what we should change this week? Nothing- because the zeal of the Lord will accomplish this salvation and bring about what no man could accomplish. The Lord will accomplish this because He is in control and because He is all powerful and no one can do what He does.

So, I am learning to be a grateful spectator in my life. I am excited to see what play God makes next. In the mean time I get to trust that God is the one making things move and shift and checking all the to-do lists at this point.

What a gracious God who would use my life to demonstrate His abilities to do far more beyond what I can even ask or think. What a merciful chance I have been given to let go of the illusion of control and believe that my zealous God will fight for me. And I am finding that hardship has become a friend whose desire is to lead me closer to Jesus who had the ultimate trust in His Father to glorify Him at the right time after His suffering was complete.




Today, I am grateful to be a psychotic, screaming, painted face fan of my own life because I know my Savior always plays His hardest when He's playing in my life. Maybe that's kind of what faith looks like...

~L&L

The Application is in, now more waiting...

YEAH!! So excited, we turned in our "Formal Application" for adoption!



Here's me with the application right before I mailed it.

We just got a letter in return to let us know the next step is Orientation. Those happen usually in February or March. The orientation helps Landon and I figure out what we are really hoping for in this adoption experience and then explains the rest of the process.

It's more waiting which I am struggling with but I do feel relief that the ball is in their court now and I just need to make sure I can get to that class.

I have decided not to set up my print shop until after the orientation. That will give us a clearer idea of a deadline and amount we need to shoot for. So, sometime around February/March check back here for updates on where you can get some fantastic prints by me and Landon.

Sorry this is short, there's a lot more I want to write about waiting, longing, disappointment, joy, eternity and Jesus as my friend but I just don't have the time right this second. I will be back with more of the inner journey after Thanksgiving :)

Influential People Who Were Adopted

Just for fun today I found a list of influential people who were adopted!

Google search it and you might be surprised yourself!

Dave Thomas (Wendy's Fast Food Founder)

Babe Ruth (baseball great)

Steve Jobs (yep, THAT Steve Jobs)

Scott Hamilton (figure skater)

Melissa Gilbert (actresss)

Aristotle (founder of western philosophy)

George Washington Carver (inventor, educator, civil rights hero)

Sarah McLaughlin (singer)

Just to name a few. So encouraging to know the care and support of parents can lead to huge things!

We're about to turn in our application, complete with pictures of our beautiful back yard (I'll post those soon!). Then we are on our way to an orientation! Yeah! Baby steps like our baby plants!

~Linds

Unlikely animal adoptions

Not to make light of adoption in any way...but these are adoption pictures that are too cute!












This one is sweet. This mama tiger lost her litter early and they all passed away. After the loss the tiger's health declined and she was depressed. Caretakers dressed up some little piggies in tiger cloth and the mama tiger raised the piggys and loved them as her own. So cute!

This is good for a laugh and a warm fuzzy feeling but even these images demonstrate to me that something in us loves adoption. Something in us loves when someone (or something) decides to take care of someone that is not "naturally" their own.

Enjoy!

Small beginnings and a small garden

I have a short, small post today :)

Landon and I have spent the last 3 days recovering our backyard (well, Landon really did most of the work). Because of the drought, and probably fungus, we lost half of our lawn in the backyard. We also built two garden boxes to have vegetables but with the onset of the drought this summer and some job changes, our boxes were still barren.



At times, the yard was a bit of a painful and physical reminder about how we felt about the last 2 years. Miscarriages, long periods of not getting pregnant, job loss, job change, God's distance - like a half finished backyard getting dryer by the minute.

Since our weather has changed, we had a bit of rain and we had a bit of time (oh yeah and because the newest leg of our adoption application wants a picture of the backyard) we set out to change things.

We tilled the ground, laid the sod, planted seeds, fertilized and watered and now we wait.



As we planted I wondered what God would teach us in the planting (I hear its very spiritual to be a farmer - please hear my sarcasm because I am so bad with plants!). And Landon mentioned Zechariah 4:10 "Who has despised the day of small things?" Small things, small seeds...small things with huge potential and high hopes.

As I considered I thought of our small beginnings as a couple, the struggles of wanting children and now the small glimmer of hope that we could be parents to some parent-less children - all small things that I hope will have a happy end.

Be glad today that God doesn't despise any small beginning, in fact, he sees more value in a small beginning than you do.

Colorado and other things!

WOW! It's been awhile but I have been busy with a vacation!

Landon and I took a trip to Colorado to Salida and the Maroon Bells - it was stunning. The weather was perfect, the Aspens were bright yellow and there were no bear problems!

During our road trip to get there we started reading the book Adopted for Life by Russell Moore:



This book explores the biblical basis for adoption, how modern adoption displays the gospel and shares his personal journey through adopting his two sons from Russia. Moore is a great writer who smoothly leads you thought theological points of our Gentile adoption into the nation of Israel in a clear, understandable and entertaining way.

We have read about 3 chapters as of now and it is making us so excited about adoption but its also given me a greater and more personal understanding of my own adoption into the family of God through Christ. It is transforming our hearts and we can't wait to get more time to read it.

I would highly recommend this book not only to people wanting to adopt but people who are on the fence about adoption, people whose friends are adopting and people who have no relation to adoption at all because it really is so good at explaining how incredible our adoption to God is. So, put it on your Christmas list!

In other news I will be opening my print shop soon to raise some funds - I will keep you posted. The shop will include pictures from our mission trip to Mexico last year, pictures from our most recent Colorado trip (you'll LOVE these) and lastly a few adoption specific prints that I have designed with verses on them. And who knows maybe I'll get some random stellar shots in there from somewhere else.

This is a great way to support our adoption whether you have $20 or $200 AND you'll get a fantastic piece of art to go with it!

Again, I'll give you all the information when it's all set up and you can get buying!

~L&L

PS- favorite quote so far from Adopted for Life - "Adoption is not charity, it is spiritual warfare."

Adoption in the Bible

It's been awhile but I'm back!

No news on the adoption front, still finishing paper work of course but good things are happening in our hearts so I wanted to share.

As I consider adoption and what it will look like someday to get that fated phone call, have that meeting, wait those special weeks, go to a hospital or CPS office, meet that baby and then strap them in a carseat and take them home - I become almost giddy with excitement. And suddenly, we will be Mom and Dad.

Adoption teaches the heart early that love is a choice. I think I had the idea that because a baby comes from you, you will love it, and it will love you back but an umbillical cord doesn't guarantee love. Even mothers who give birth must chose to love their kiddos. So, love is a choice and I find I love my son or daughter (or twins, or whatever!) already.

I don't know that little one yet, how old they'll be, how we'll meet or when. I don't know if it will be a little boy or girl, asian, hispanic, white or black (you guys all know my prejudice on that one though). I don't know what they will look like or sound like but I know I love them, and I miss them already. In my heart I am secretly already praying for them, protective of them, wanting to search for them and find them and bring them home. As I have considered these strong emotions it occured to me that God eagerly sought me out, found me, adopted me and brough me home.

Ok, obvious conclusion, right? But the profoundness is hard to communicate on a keyboard. The reality of God seeking me out, predestining (is that a word) me for salvation to become His daughter is not so much theorhetical and theological anymore - it is becoming more and more real as I consider adopting my own child.

Naturally, I was not His- being enslaved to sin and Satan. I didn't ask for His rescue until He came to me first. He knew me and saw me before the foundation of the world and in love made me a part of His kingdom where I am not treated like a step daughter or a half-breed but His real daughter. He loves me as He loves Jesus, the true Son and reflection of the Father and He lets me take part in an eternal inheritence that is kept for me, guarenteed by His faithfulness and my status as His daughter not my performance.

This is wrecking my heart (in a good way of course) as I have come to know the feeling that someday I will give all my love to a little one I haven't met, they haven't done anything to earn my love other than just being alive. I will be proud to call them by our last name "Schott", I want to give them a strong identity as my child, I want to give them all I have and all of this not because they're a deserving party, but just because they were parentless and I loved them.

So God has loved me (and you if you are a believer). You were lost like an orphan and you were sought out by the Father who loves children. You were known before the foundation of the world to become His. You are given an inheritence and a name in Him and it cannot be changed.

I know we are just at the beginning of this process and I have no doubt this will profoundly affect our faith and who we are. I can't wait for the rest of the journey. I hope our journey will articulate to you the overwhelming love of God that has been lavished on you today and that you will in turn be empowered to lavish love on others.

May God's word come alive to you in light of your adoption!

~L&L

My application answers...

Just a few weeks ago Landon and I made the decision to work with Loving Alternative Adoption Agency based out of Tyler, TX. (You can see their website here: http://livalt.org/loving.html)

I really like that they are approaching the complex issue of crisis pregnancy from a lot of different angles and adoption is only one of their ministries. They have been highly recommended to us and also, their process is so bathed in prayer and recognizing God's control that I feel like our souls will be encouraged the whole way.

We are in the process of filling out the application to be accepted as one of their couples. This application is not a legal document to give us the "ok" to adopt, its just to be accepted into their pool of families because they want families who are strong believers. So, this application is an effort to see where people are in their walk with Christ. The last page has some really great questions to think about and so I am posting my answers. The husband and wife answer separately, so this is just my response.

If you are pregnant, have infants or want to have kiddos soon I think these are awesome questions to ask yourself. In the process of answering these questions I was really encouraged to raise godly children and to stay in God's word daily. Enjoy! And have a good time thinking!!

1. Please write in your own words what a genuine Christian is to you.
I believe a genuine Christian is someone who has come to a personal and profound conclusion of: their sin towards God and their need for Him; has responded to the offer of God’s grace in Jesus by believing that He is the Son of God, the atoning payment for their sin, the reconciler of their relationship back to God and their eternal and earthly hope as the living, resurrected Savior. A genuine Christian not only has these personal beliefs but also demonstrates the fruits of the Spirit and works of grace that are not efforts to earn salvation or God’s affection but the genuine outpouring of a transformed heart and mind and evidence of the Holy Spirit living inside of them.

2. Describe your conversion experience and explain how Christ has changed your life.
I grew up with Christian parents, attending church regularly but my faith was essentially on the coat tails of my parents. Around the age of 13 or 14 I started attending a youth group where they taught the Bible verse by verse and very clearly. This is where I heard a clear articulation of the gospel. For about 2 years I wrestled with my doubts and questions (things like evolution, I can’t see God, how do I know He’s real, etc.). Around the age of 15 I felt very burdened and troubled by all my doubts but I felt I had no ability to just believe and not give way to those thoughts. I remember very clearly giving up one night and praying “Jesus, I think you are real, but I’m not sure, I’m tired of doubting, but if you’re there and you want me, then I need help.” I can’t explain how I “heard” this but it was so strong in my spirit I heard “Hang in there.” I can remember waking up the next day and all of the clamoring doubting voices in my head fell silent. I believe even my faith to respond to Jesus was a gift from God in providing salvation for me. After this moment God continued to grow in me a love for His Word, for His people, and for ministry. The biggest way I feel Christ has changed my life I was (and am currently) relieved from my tendency to rely on my own righteousness. I do not have a drug or strong rebellious history – my history was to do it right, make people proud and be nice. In that life I was easily deceived into believing that I could earn salvation and impress God with how good I was. In coming to Christ on His terms, that He had to pay for my sin and rebellion (because self-righteousness is still rebellion) I was freed from trusting in myself and come to God on the basis of grace. He still reminds me of that today

3. How does your Christianity affect your daily life?
Trying to not sound too general, it defines my daily life. My faith is the filter and paradigm through which I interpret my reality including my circumstances, relationships and emotions. Taking my direction from the Bible, I am instructed and encouraged on how to have a successful marriage and how to treat my husband, how to be a good friend, how to love my parents, how to treat neighbors and strangers. My Christianity interprets my circumstances (good and bad) as things that have flowed from the hands of a sovereign and good God- meant to transform my heart and bring me closer to Him. Daily, I sense the presence of God with me (even if I am rushing through a chaotic day) and my need to dwell in His word to sustain my soul.

4. What does being a Christian wife and mother mean to you?
I believe being a Christian wife and mother means first relying on and submitting to God’s word as a definition, goal and encouragement for being a wife and mom. Secondly, I believe being a Christian wife and mother means we have infinite purpose in revealing the nature of God uniquely in those callings. Eve was named “life” because she was the first mother but I see something of our calling in that name. I believe as a wife I am called to encourage, support, help, love and respect my husband and in doing that I display the very nature of God to my husband and to the world therefore bringing them real life. As a Christian mother, I display the tender, patient, protective, instructive nature of God to my children and to the world bringing them life as they see God’s character evident in me. Being a Christian wife and mother brings eternal meaning and purpose to these rolls, because God becomes present in each moment and eternity meets every-day interaction. Lastly, more personally, I believe being a Christian wife and mother means I rely heavily on the promises of God and labor in prayer for my husband and children. Regular prayer will release my death grip on the control I think I need but don’t really have, it will take down walls in relationships, it will reorient my heart to submit to God and His plans, it will restore my soul when I am weary and give me a chance to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit instructing me.

5. In your understanding, what is a Christian family?
As I considered this question, I came to five major values that characterize a Christian family for me. The first is the scripture. I believe a Christian family enjoys God’s word together, obeys God’s word, and fosters an environment where the family talks regularly about the scripture (Deut. 6:6-9). The second value I saw was family worship. II Timothy 1:5 mentions the sincere faith that lived in Timothy’s mother and grandmother that deeply affected Timothy’s devotion to Christ. I believe a parent’s personal devotion and corporate worship within the family and the wider family of God are important to model Christianity to our children and encourage them to pursue Jesus in a subjective and personal way. The third is discipline as seen in multiple verses throughout the Proverbs; discipline and boundaries should be regularly and lovingly enforced for the good of the children. The forth is mission. Christian families have significant eternal purpose both within the family to encourage one another to walk with Christ but also outside the family to serve God in their community together, witnessing to the love and grace of God. Lastly, most importantly, is grace. In a Christian family grace flows freely and creates a safe and honest atmosphere where apologies, forgiveness, disagreements, confusions and struggles can all be shared freely, without condemnation, being met with understanding, patience and faith. Without grace, scripture becomes a weapon to destroy, worship is double-minded, discipline becomes punishment and mission becomes a chore. Grace is the fragrance that should linger throughout the Christian home, giving life and enjoyment to the family.

When God talks about you behind your back...

It is easy in difficult seasons to believe that God has somehow forgotten you. We echo the words of the Psalmist and say "Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His compassion?" - Psalm 77:9. There is a profound "aloneness" that can come over us that makes us feel that even God has hid His face from us and that He cannot be found.

The very tangible silence of God can be maddening. In sadness, you want comfort and get nothing. In chaos you want His guidance and still, nothing. In confusion, frustration and doubt you want His reassurance and you are met with what feels like a very cold and mute wall. Maybe this is the valley of the shadow. It is without a doubt the crucible in which our faith is put under fire and enormous pressure and while in the midst of it the fire hurts beyond description - it is producing gold which is precious to God.

My greatest fear as we have begun on this journey is not hearing God respond and not seeing Him work in this process...more silence! But recently, it seems as though He has been talking about us to other people...

Recently friends of ours called us and said "By the way we'd like to pay for your homestudy." In shock we demanded to have dinner to talk this through and clarify that this was a huge committment, a lot of money and a big (BIG) decision. At dinner our friends told us that for a few months they have been saving a certain amount of money. After saving it they began asking God where He wanted it to go. Several opportunities presented themselves but nothing "clicked" for them. After hearing about our desire to adopt, they casually talked about it but no angels sang and no trumpets blew in their heads...at first. After just a few days we haunted their thoughts, and the idea of paying for our homestudy was "clicking". They prayed one more time and asked God "Where should this money go?" And with full confidence and smiles on their faces they said "We heard God say: 'Landon and Lindsay'." Wow.

I was (and currently am) overwhelmed with emotion. Not just by the generous giving of our friends but because God said our names to someone else. Evidently He's been talking about us to some people. And, eveidently, He is here, He is aware of our situation, He is present, providing and leading us! There is something so strange to have God acknowledge you by name. You come face to face with the reality that He knows you through and through.

So, God has shown up and our first stage of this process has some financing! Wowzers! I cannot wait to see who else God talks with about us (is that self centered?) And I cannot wait to see what other supernatural things happen in this process.

So, I can say with graditude, The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy and also, I know there is no place to be hidden from His presence.

~L&L

Stay inspired!

Here are some things I found that are inspiring me today!










"Twins"...big brother adopted first, then the other baby was "born" right after. They are only 8 months apart. I would LOVE to have this type of twins :)

The New Adventure Begins!

Hold on to your butts, as my husband always says - it's about to be a bumpy ride!

The Schotts are embarking on a new adventure, ADOPTION, we don't quite know the way, the details or really what we are doing at all but we are setting out for this unknown land in faith believing (and crossing our fingers) that God will show up in it.

If you are new to our family saga, I have some posts on my personal blog about this "family building" season at http://lindsayschott.blogspot.com/2010/07/footprints.html.

Landon and I started to "not avoid" pregnancy (you use terms like that because you are terrified to just say - We're really trying to have a baby) in the winter of 2007. We got pregnant in January of 2010, miscarried in March and went through what felt like a very dark and lonley season. The previously mentioned blog post can describe a bit of what that time was like.

Our lives made a huge transition when we left Mercy Street, the church and ministry we had been a part of for 6 years. Landon got a job as a petrochemical inspector at the ship channel and I began working at Grace Fellowship UMC as the Communications Director in May/ June of this year, 2011. Shortly after this we found out we were pregnant again! If you know us, but you didn't know this, it wasn't personal, not that many people knew - call us crazy but we were a little hesitant from last time.

Sadly 11 weeks later, we lost that baby as well. What resulted from that experience was being convinced we wanted children, we didn't want to wait a whole lot more and that we should run headlong into adoption until the process shuts the door in our face. Convinced of our calling to be parents we have begun praying and researching adoption options.

So, if you know us and care for us on any level please pray for this process. We need wisdom, faith, patience and financing - lots of financing. We have already begun to see God move in these few baby steps (to be told later in another post) and we cannot wait to see what more miracles God has in store.

So, join us by reading the blog, becoming a follower, email us, pray for us and come to some of our fundraising events (oh yes, there will be events!). We are thrilled to share this journey because we believe that when God moves, He glorifies Himself, gives us great joy and encourages a whole body.

Much love,
Landon and Lindsay