It is easy in difficult seasons to believe that God has somehow forgotten you. We echo the words of the Psalmist and say "Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His compassion?" - Psalm 77:9. There is a profound "aloneness" that can come over us that makes us feel that even God has hid His face from us and that He cannot be found.
The very tangible silence of God can be maddening. In sadness, you want comfort and get nothing. In chaos you want His guidance and still, nothing. In confusion, frustration and doubt you want His reassurance and you are met with what feels like a very cold and mute wall. Maybe this is the valley of the shadow. It is without a doubt the crucible in which our faith is put under fire and enormous pressure and while in the midst of it the fire hurts beyond description - it is producing gold which is precious to God.
My greatest fear as we have begun on this journey is not hearing God respond and not seeing Him work in this process...more silence! But recently, it seems as though He has been talking about us to other people...
Recently friends of ours called us and said "By the way we'd like to pay for your homestudy." In shock we demanded to have dinner to talk this through and clarify that this was a huge committment, a lot of money and a big (BIG) decision. At dinner our friends told us that for a few months they have been saving a certain amount of money. After saving it they began asking God where He wanted it to go. Several opportunities presented themselves but nothing "clicked" for them. After hearing about our desire to adopt, they casually talked about it but no angels sang and no trumpets blew in their heads...at first. After just a few days we haunted their thoughts, and the idea of paying for our homestudy was "clicking". They prayed one more time and asked God "Where should this money go?" And with full confidence and smiles on their faces they said "We heard God say: 'Landon and Lindsay'." Wow.
I was (and currently am) overwhelmed with emotion. Not just by the generous giving of our friends but because God said our names to someone else. Evidently He's been talking about us to some people. And, eveidently, He is here, He is aware of our situation, He is present, providing and leading us! There is something so strange to have God acknowledge you by name. You come face to face with the reality that He knows you through and through.
So, God has shown up and our first stage of this process has some financing! Wowzers! I cannot wait to see who else God talks with about us (is that self centered?) And I cannot wait to see what other supernatural things happen in this process.
So, I can say with graditude, The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy and also, I know there is no place to be hidden from His presence.
~L&L
love this.. thanks for being so transparent. "The very tangible silence of God can be maddening. In sadness, you want comfort and get nothing. In chaos you want His guidance and still, nothing. In confusion, frustration and doubt you want His reassurance and you are met with what feels like a very cold and mute wall. Maybe this is the valley of the shadow. It is without a doubt the crucible in which our faith is put under fire and enormous pressure and while in the midst of it the fire hurts beyond description - it is producing gold which is precious to God. "
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you expressed in those first couple of paragraphs. Though I haven't lost a child, I have certainly felt like I've been in the valley of the shadow. This is so encouraging, Lindsay! I love how God is providing for y'all!
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