Ok, at this point I am wondering whether or not I should even post this but for the sake of some continuity on this blog...I have to at least update this saga of adoption.
Most, ok, everyone now knows I am pregnant and we are due in November. (If this is news to you, I am so sorry). No, this was not planned, yes, this is a surprise and yes, the timing is just that hilarious.
So, let me share how this all happened (ok, not how I got pregnant because we all know that...)
We did go to a wonderful adoption orientation in Fort Worth in February of this year. It filled our hearts with confidence and excitement. I filled out that application binder (yes, BINDER) and all its releases, forms, surveys and everything else in about 10 days. We even sent the binder off with a big check (GULP) and I followed up to make sure someone signed for that package because I literally felt I was mailing off my baby.
About a week later I had a dream. I dreamed I was pregnant. I saw flashes of different points in my pregnancy, I saw myself in labor and I saw Landon and I with a baby girl. My heart was very distant from her in the dream because I was so afraid of losing her. I spent a week distant from that little girl (I don't know what the significance of a week is but I distincly remember a week) and then something in my heart broke as I watched Landon love this little girl with his whole heart. My heart was turned within me and I just gushed love for her and I regretted the distance I put between us because of fear.
So, my dream ended with me holding her and enjoying having her in my arms.
I woke up the next morning thinking that God was telling me one of two things: one, don't entirely give up on having biological children and don't cut your heart off from that possibility (that's what I thought mostly) or two, you're pregnant, don't be distant.
Turns out the second of those two messages was right on and we're even having a girl!
But before I knew my dream would literally come true I had another 4 days of waiting...that tension filled, pretending not to be preoccupied, counting down the hours waiting that happens when you want to take a pregnancy test. That is a unique waiting. 6:30 am on a Friday I took the test and saw that shocking second line and I laughed and proceeded to abruptly wake my husband up.
And we were pregnant. And we took yet another unexpected turn in this journey.
I'll share some posts later about what God taught me at the beginning of this pregnancy and how He has moved in the last 8 months but for now you have the official pregnancy story.
Also, all posts on this blog after about February 20th were all done while I knew I was pregnant but hiding it - sorry for the secrecy, I hope no one feels cheated ;)
